Believing in yourself will take you far
Most of us would like to have a little more self-confidence. Do you have confidence in your abilities, qualities, and judgment? Sign us up. The American Psychological Association defines self-confidence as “the belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task.”
It could be a general feeling of confidence in your ability to control your life, or it could be a more specific situation. For example, you may have high levels of confidence in one area of expertise but feel less confident in other areas. Research suggests that confidence is important for health and psychological well-being. 2
But cultivating and maintaining your self-confidence isn’t easy, and it’s easy to lose it when you feel like you’ve failed or made a mistake. That’s why it’s so important to actively work on building your self-confidence. It’s something you have to nurture. As corny as it may sound, you have to believe in yourself!
“The doubt that comes with questioning yourself has both internal and external repercussions,” says Hannah Owens, LMSW. “Self-confidence not only affects your personality and how you perceive yourself, but it also communicates to others that you are trustworthy and competent, which can be useful both socially and professionally.”
Ways to Increase Self-Confidence
Having a healthy level of self-confidence can help you be more successful in your personal and professional life. Research has shown, for example, that people who are more confident tend to be more successful academically. 3 Your level of confidence even affects how you present yourself to others.
Fortunately, there are several ways to increase your self-confidence. Whether you lack confidence in a specific area or struggle to feel confident in anything, these nine tips can help you become more confident.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Do you compare your appearance to the people you follow on Instagram? Or maybe you compare your salary to your friend’s. Social comparison theory explains that making comparisons is natural. But it probably won’t help you build your self-confidence. In fact, it may have the opposite effect.
A 2018 study published in Personality and Individual Differences found a direct link between envy and how we perceive ourselves. 4 Specifically, researchers noted that when people compare themselves to others, they feel envious. And the more envious they feel, the worse they feel about themselves.
How do you build self-confidence when you realize you’re making comparisons?
First, remember that it’s not helpful. Everyone is running their own race, and life is not a competition.
If you’re feeling envious of someone else’s life, it’s also helpful to remind yourself of your own strengths and successes. Keep a gratitude journal to help you remember the areas of your life where you’ve been blessed. This can help you focus on your own life rather than the lives of others.
“Social media is particularly bad for this,” Owens says. “It’s a system designed to encourage comparison. But remembering that people generally only post the best and worst of their experiences can help you celebrate your daily victories, which can boost your self-confidence.”
Surround yourself with positive people
Take a moment to think about how your friends make you feel. Do they encourage you or put you down? Do they constantly judge you or do they accept you for who you are?
The people you spend time with can influence your thoughts and attitudes about yourself, perhaps more than you realize. So, pay attention to how others make you feel. If you feel bad after spending time with a particular person, it may be time to say goodbye.
Instead, surround yourself with people who love you and want the best for you. Seek out positive people who can help you build your self-confidence. Self-confidence and a positive attitude go hand in hand.
Pamper Your Body
This self-confidence tip is based on the idea that it’s hard to feel good about yourself if you’re mistreating your body. When you practice self-care, you know you’re doing something positive for your mind, body, and soul, and you’ll naturally feel more confident as a result.
Here are some self-care practices linked to higher levels of self-confidence:
Diet: Eating a healthy diet has many benefits, including improved self-confidence and self-esteem. When you fuel your body with nutrient-dense foods, you feel healthier, stronger, and more energetic, which can make you feel better about yourself.
Exercise: Studies consistently show that exercise boosts self-confidence. For example, a 2016 study found that regular physical activity improved participants’ body image. And when their body image improved, they felt more confident. 7
Meditation: More than just a relaxation practice, meditation can help boost self-confidence in a number of ways. For one, it helps you recognize and accept yourself. Meditation also teaches you how to shut down negative self-talk and disconnect from unnecessary mental chatter that interferes with your confidence.
Sleep: Lack of sleep can negatively impact your emotions. Conversely, good quality sleep has been linked to positive personality traits, including optimism and self-esteem.
Self-care is important for self-confidence. Make sure you get what you need to feel good about yourself and your abilities.
“Taking care of your body isn’t just about looking good,” Owens says. “When you make yourself and your self-care a priority, you show the world that you matter, which convinces others to feel the same way about you.”
Be Kind to Yourself
A 2015 study links self-compassion to self-confidence. 9 So the next time you find yourself in a difficult situation, recognize that being imperfect or falling short at times is part of human nature. Do your best to navigate these experiences with self-compassion.
Practice Positive Self-Talk
Here are some examples of ways to challenge pessimistic self-talk and reframe your thoughts into a more positive way of thinking, increasing your self-confidence along the way:
- “I can’t handle this” or “This is impossible” becomes “I can do it” or “All I have to do is try.”
- “I can’t do anything right” becomes “I can do better next time” or “At least I learned something.”
- “I hate public speaking” becomes “I don’t like public speaking” and “Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.
Face your fears
Stop putting things off until you feel more confident, like asking someone out or applying for a promotion. One of the best ways to build your confidence in these situations is to face your fears head on.
Practice facing some of your fears that stem from a lack of self-confidence. If you’re afraid you’ll embarrass yourself or think that you’re going to mess up, try anyway. A little self-doubt can even help improve performance.12 Tell yourself it’s just an experiment and see what happens.
You might learn that being a little anxious or making a few mistakes isn’t as bad as you thought. And each time you move forward, you gain more confidence in yourself. In the end, this can help prevent you from taking risks that will result in major negative consequences.
"This is, of course, easier said than done," says Owens, "but even small victories can help. Consider this a kind of exposure therapy - even a little progress is still progress!"
Do Things You're Good At ?
What happens when you do things that you are good at? Your self-confidence starts to soar. Your strengths become even stronger, which helps improve your belief in yourself. Taking this approach also has another benefit: it can increase how satisfied you are with your life.
One study found that believing in your ability to build on your personal strengths is moderately related to life satisfaction levels.13 This starts with identifying what those strengths are. Then, work to make them stronger by engaging with them regularly.
If you're good at a certain sport, for instance, make it a point to train or play at least once a week. If you're good at a particular task at work, try to do that task more often. Building on your strengths can also help you build your self-confidence.
Know When to Say No
While doing things you're good at can give your self-confidence a boost, it's equally important to recognize situations that can cause your confidence to plummet. Maybe you find that every time you participate in a certain activity, you feel worse about yourself instead of better.
Saying no to activities that tend to zap your self-confidence is okay. Certainly, you don't want to avoid doing anything that makes you feel uncomfortable because discomfort is often part of the personal growth process. At the same time, there's nothing wrong with knowing your boundaries and sticking to them.
Setting social and emotional boundaries can make you feel psychologically safer. It can also help you feel more in control. Part of self-confidence is feeling in control of your life. Boundaries help establish that sense of control.
The next time someone suggests doing something that you know will lower your self-confidence, respectfully decline. You don’t have to avoid the activity forever, either. Once you learn to be more confident, you may feel empowered to try again without damaging your self-confidence.
Set Realistic Goals
Pursuing your goals often involves failing multiple times before you find what works. This can leave you wondering if you have what it takes to succeed. It can also leave you wondering how to be more confident while still achieving your dreams. The answer lies in setting realistic goals.
Setting ambitious goals
and failing to achieve them has been shown to hurt your self-confidence. 15 Realistic goals, on the other hand, are achievable. And the more you achieve your goals, the more confident you become in yourself and your abilities.
To set realistic goals, write down what you want to accomplish. Then ask yourself how likely you are to achieve it. (Be honest!) If the answer is low or zero, the goal may be a little too ambitious. Scale it back to be more realistic and achievable.
This may require some research on your part. For example, if your goal is to lose weight, experts recommend losing between 1 and 2 pounds per week for healthy, long-term weight loss. 16 Knowing this helps you set a goal that's consistent with this guideline, which boosts your confidence when you achieve it.
Confidence vs. Insecurity
To learn how to be more confident, it can be helpful to understand how a confident person is different from a less confident person. Here are some of the differences between the two.
Confident People
- Celebrate Others' Success
- Open-Minded
- Optimistic
- Willing to Take Risks
- Laugh at Themselves
- Decisive
- Always Learning and Growing
- Admit Mistakes
- Accept Responsibility
- Insecure People
Judgemental and Jealous of Others
- Closed-Minded
- Pessimistic
- Fearful of Change
- Hide Flaws
- Indecisive
- Act Like a Know-It-All
- Make Excuses
- Blame Others
There are many benefits to having more self-confidence
Having self-confidence feels great. That said, having self-confidence can also bring many additional benefits at home, at work, and in your relationships. Here’s a look at some of the positive effects of learning to be self-confident:
Better performance: Rather than wasting time and energy worrying about not being good enough, you can focus your energy on your efforts. Ultimately, you’ll perform better when you’re more confident.
Healthier relationships: Not only does having self-confidence impact how you feel about yourself, it also helps you understand and love others better. It also gives you the strength to end a relationship if you’re not getting what you want or deserve.
Openness to trying new things: When you believe in yourself, you’re more willing to try new things. Whether you’re applying for a promotion or signing up for a cooking class, it’s much easier to put yourself out there when you’re confident in yourself and your abilities.
Resilience: Believing in yourself can improve your resilience or your ability to bounce back from challenges or adversities you face in life.